100 Happy Days Challenge

ImageHi. I’m Deigh and I chose to be happy!

I started participating to this challenge last Valentine’s day, which was two days ago? I am on my third day and hopefully I could successfully complete this challenge, since I don’t want to burry myself in the past anymore. I want to be genuinely happy and be worry-free like the good old times. I want to be able to experience that satisfaction one acquires from realizing how blessed they are and I want to smug how far have I gone from the dark days 97 days from now. You guys should take part and try it, here’s the site: http://100happydays.com/ . So far it has been great for me, since I am able to spot the tiniest details that could brighten up my entire day. It made me realize that I am to be pleased and jovial due to what I acquire and what problems I am not to face rather than sulking about what I do not have or what I have lost while eating some sugary delights at 3am.

This challenge is an authorization for me to stride away from negativity without having to give explanations. It is crystal to me that life does not come in a package, but it does not mean that life could not be fun, right? I chose to dispatch myself from the antagonism, for I do not want to sight what I’ve lost. I want to be able to linger on what I still have and what I am going to have. I want to cherish every specs of life. When I chose to move on, I told myself that I am not to obliterate such memories, but I am to choose my happiness and direct my own sail distant from being in such position again. Those bad experiences were just lessons, lessons to take that one perhaps may use as a reference for. It’s time to count the grace than the dilemmas, since I could not transform anything about my past nor could I manipulate the future. The only thing that I am certain about is that I could positively edit myself and my attitude towards things and I could definitely doubt that I doubt. I am done steering every detail. All I want is to savor every parts of life and also to leave a scintilla. I know it is significant to make others happy, but then I think I have to begin with myself.

Parting might be the most distressing way to fathom a Gordian knot, but it usually is necessary. Goodbye to the days filled with negativity and hatred. Ciao to the days when I spent nights criticizing how worthless and disappointing I was. Gone were the days when I’ve been wasting my happiness due to grudges I used to hold. I am now to construct a new chapter of my life filled with treasurable moments that I am to share with someone one day. The first chapter is going to be about me, so find me and check out my Instagram posts about my happy days at http://www.instagram.com/KlarenzDeigh , for I don’t intend to just make the people around me just feel untroubled. I want to share my happiness with them.

STRUGGLING and DROWNING

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Concealing everything in a single pasted crack. I am beginning to crumble and I get this feeling that I cannot hold it any longer. But I trust myself to get through this, since I know that after all these unwanted events I’ll be stronger and wiser than ever.

Calling all superheroes. Do respond. I need one tall glass of strawberry banana smoothie, a platter of pancakes, and a bowl of fries. I kidd.

Reminding myself that out of this horrible mess comes a beautiful mess.

Die Verspätet Fürst

“Our brain is so stupendous. It functions for 24 hours a day and 365 days a year from the very first cry we let out until the day we drop another tear when we fall in love.”

(c) Klarenz Deigh

My first blog post focused on defining love. I remember that day when I became a love guru. My friend, Patricia, asked me how do I attract a guy or how will she be able to attract a guy. In my mind, I thought of a lot of things that normally a girl would do and say… but I told her one thing; just be yourself. Now I thought of it, maybe I did say that because I didn’t want her to change for someone’s sake or be a prisoner for someone’s needs. I want her to be just her, in order to fully be loved and accepted by the guy she wants to attract. This is what I told her, because I knew I fell in love with someone who fully accepted me, he himself embraced my flaws. So if being yourself doesn’t work, change. Change to a better you not to a better girl for him. Because in love you don’t need to change to be love, you need to understand and listen to each other. Be hungry for God’s words for having a healthy relationship involves a strong bond with God. Smile always and know God is there to give you all the love you need, while waiting for your prince. Your prince is delayed in flight to you, for God is molding him to become a better person for you, for He does not want you to get hurt. Wait and love yourself for now. Use your brain for God gave you that for a reason. Don’t forget to smile every single day, because smiling can make someone fall in love with you.

Light of Hope and a Penny Waste

“I didn’t spend my last penny, I lost it.”

In my body, I felt like there was a penny put into my right feet, holding me to stay and love you. Half of my body is shaking cold and shivering from despair. Last resort, last chance, and last hope…. Over.  All I am now is what I call a project of twinge and futility. I reached my end and I am done. I spent days wailing over someone who would never see my worth. I am just another girl to you even if  you were someone more than a guy to me, but now whatever you tell me wouldn’t matter anymore.

Right now, I’m counting the days until my body stops and move away. Because my visions of hope for you to change is starting to blur that I can’t see what would be next anymore. The pain you gave me, showed me that I have done nothing good to you. You treated me as if I was a daily newspaper that you change every single day.

You read me good and understood me clearly enough that no one could top what you have seen. You played me like a keyboard that spits out melodies in a single press. You drew an upside down rainbow on my face, but by the end of the day an inverted half clear heart runs out from the window of my soul and fades away on my red lips.

I have reserved a penny, wherein I wanted to use it to know the answers to my questions, but sadly … I lost it.  There’s only one thing I asked from you and that was the truth, but that truth I have never gained. Now, it doesn’t matter if you write fiction all over my face, because from now on I’m putting earplugs and I will start to look back and see how hurt I was so I can be a better me. I’m done getting stepped on. I loved you, but you didn’t love me back. My waiting days are over. Tears would never run down again for you, because I got no more tears to cry for you, I just have words that would slice you into half.

You may think you are right all the time, but right now I can proudly tell you, no you are not. There’s one thing you are wrong about. I am no selfless angel, I am a selfish human. For the past seven months, I never asked for anything, but your happiness. I wanted nothing but to see you smile even if I end up crying. If you are going to question me, how I became selfless, I would love to tell you why. I got one reason, I am selfish because I focused too much on you that I never really get to care what other people might feel. I put you first, even if you put me in the end of the line. They only asked me one thing, that one thing is, “smile Klarenz…smile”, but I’m too busy looking for what would make you happy that I forgot what they would make me happy and that is my own happiness. I disregarded them in my life for you and your happiness.

There are 365 days in a year, 60 minutes in an hour, 60 seconds in a minute, I waited, ‘cause I thought I can wait, but I guess the clock ticked to fast that I recognized that time cannot wait. It was just me. Everything was just a bright silky wish that lights me up like a tangled Christmas lights being put on top of a red glossy cloth.

I got 100 billion neurons on my brain, 428 nerves running in my body, 206 bones functioning as my framework, 10 fat toes that ways you hi, 10 fingers that clicks you,   2 feet that enables to mobilize, 2 hands that holds you when you are afraid, 2 ears that listen to the words you say,  2 set of eyes that looks only to you, and 1 broken heart with 4 chambers.  I am tired, I just want to rest. I am soaked in the rain, I’m coughing as if I have a fur ball stuck in my throat. I’m dizzy and I just want to sleep like sleeping beauty. I want to eat an apple with a poison to be able to get a single kiss from you. I would walk with shattered glass shoes like Cinderella if you ask me to, ‘cause I know there is beauty inside you even if you showed me how beastly you can be. I love you, but I give up. But oh well, what to do, right?  You asked me to give up on you long ago, ‘cause all you said to me (in your dreams) was I’m a useless slut. SMILE, because one day…  all of these will just be a joke that we would laugh onto.

FIGHTER – A Better Me Is What I Crave For

“You have to end the bad things, even when they seem good. And start the good things, even if they seem bad.”

-unknown

It’s amazing how every single tick of a clock transformed each one of us. In an hour, just imagine how many people stepped all together and how many people stepped back. In a minute, just imagine how many people are born and how many have died. In a second, how many people breathe and how many stopped. In a millisecond, imagine how many people just moved and paused. Isn’t it amazing how many things transform each time?

Every time I think of how amazing and irreversible time is, I think of, why not just enjoy every single tick till God take me. I am thankful to have the people I have and had. I am thankful that I have experienced the good and the bad times with these people. I am more than satisfied with the parents God have bestowed me, for they have clothed, fed, and gave me everything they can to help me become what I am now and what I can become as a better being in the future. I know that there are still a lot of flaws and there are still a lot of things I have to work on in order to improve. God have granted me talents that I haven’t use in a long while, since I got to shy and timid, I became very unsure with sharing what I got and what I have, I want to, but every time I see a reflection of me in the mirror, I feel like I’m not the Klarenz that I was years ago. Everything have changed and everything have transformed. I am thankful of the people that have loved, used, hurt, and treasured me for you guys help me become what I am supposed to be, a fighter.

From now on, I promise to strive better and work harder in order to become the person that people have expected me to be. Of course, I can’t please everybody, but I’ll try my best to become what I am supposed to be. Love me, thank you… Hate me, your choice. But one thing’s for sure, once I shut my mouth, because you told me it’s annoying, you would miss the way I am to you. All I am asking from you is treat me the way I am treating you, because some people grow old and tired of what is evolving and transforming around them and I am one of those people. I might change things, but one thing is for sure… you wouldn’t see me moving without a smile on my face. One day, I’ll be smiling brighter than ever and I will face you with that content face, “I am back with a better me.”

You are my Sunshine

(c) Google Picture i just edited it...

“Once a person die, just smile, they’re with God now singing with the angels & dancing in the clouds.”

2 days ago, I received a call from my bff-duh from back home saying that my dearest friend, Cody passed away due to the motorcycle incident and brain hemorrhage. 2 days before that call, I got to talk to Cody and he told me things about what he dreamt while he was fast asleep. He told me he was alive and he wants to kick it as soon as I set foot in San Francisco, I even sang him, “You are my Sunshine, till he falls asleep.” His last words to me was, “You ma be my sister forever, I Love You.” That same night, he died. He didn’t wake up and when they autopsied him, it was cause by a blood clot on his brain. Damn those doctors who didn’t check his fucking head! Damn it, now my brother’s dead.

Now… 6 hours ago, my grandma called me telling me that my grandpa passed away due to heart attack.  I can’t explain how much I love my grandpa, he’s just the best. Whenever my legit grandma and grandpa doubts me, he just stood behind me, defended me, and trusted me. His kids, my aunties and my uncles have took good care of me when I was back home, and I just can’t count how much thank you and I love you do I want to tell him.

2 of the closest man in my life passed away, but now all I can do is smile. Cause I know they’re with God and another thing is, they hated whenever I frown. Well I guess you and lolo is now in heaven, singing and dancing with God and living in a mansion that God had presented you guys. I love you so much and thank you for being a part of my life. Just a little hope for tomorrow, is enough to endure the pain today. I’ll smile for you guys, I promise. Ich Liebe Dich, Mahal ko kayo, mahal na mahal na mahal ko kayo.

SMILE: "Dein Lachen macht süchtig fast so als wäre es nicht von dieser Erde.."

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